Fun With Facebook Posts

Because I can’t watch TV all day, I’ve found a new way to entertain myself (which is one of my daily goals). I stumbled upon this unsophisticatedly great idea, and I knew immediately that I was on to something special. It started out with me browsing Facebook, looking for lame status updates that I could respond to with smart aleck comments. In a series of miscalculated keyboard strokes I ended up responding to a friend’s status in my own status update. I typed, “just call me and let me know.”

I was surprised and immensely entertained with the responses, so I decided to post some more confusing statements like that to see what people would say. People are funny. Some people are always serious, which makes me laugh. Some people are what my son, Daniel, calls “try hards.” They try to be funny, but all they can manage to massage out of me is a courtesy laugh. And then there are the insanely funny people who stalk The Facebook looking for unsuspecting members to make fun of. To these people, my ambiguous updates are the equivalent of throwing an 80 mph fastball right down the middle to LeBron Pujols.

I have started a list of possible status updates to get the ball rolling. Try some, or create your own, just make sure you report back to me with any funny responses.

• “I saw one behind the water heater when I was hiding.”
• “Who was she kissing?”
• “We better not tell him.”
• “We just need to tell him, even though it’s going to hurt him.”
• “Do you think she knows?”
• “She asked me to tell him she wanted to break up with him.”
• “Where were you when you got your DUI?”
• “Will the scar be permanent?”
• “My password is CODERED3. I use it for everything.”
• “Are you going to tell the person you hit her car?”
• “I can’t believe you won the lottery! Are you going to keep it a secret?”
• “Are Mormons allowed to do that?”
• “Why were you wearing that to work in the first place?”
• “Are you going to be arrested?”
• “I left my iPad at the tennis court. Can you get it before you leave?”
• “I think you need to call the cops.”
• “Tell me again what your underwear size is?”
• “Where do you want to eat on our date?”
• “What else did you want me to pick up at the grocery store?”

What are some other intriguing and inviting status updates I can use?