Mom's Talk - Winning and Losing

It’s not about winning or losing, it’s how you play the game. I disagree with the popular saying.

Yes, how you play the game is important, but in the end, the objective is to win. I believe that how you handle winning and losing can be more important than the win. Whether in little league, at school or at work, we will continuously be put in situations where we either win or lose, and we have to learn to do both with grace and class.

Why then, do we not teach kids these skills early? If I’m not mistaken (and my apologies if I am mistaken), Gwinnett Soccer Association does not keep score until the age of ten.

I understand the idea behind such policies. There are ages at which children do not understand the concept of winning and losing. Some leagues have children competing as early as three years of age. How can a child that young, who may not even be able to count to 10, understand the concept of winning or losing?

Perhaps they don’t understand, but what a better way to teach the concept than through competition? A friendly game, a friendly competition is harmless. If a child wins you can celebrate, if not, you can take the opportunity to teach them, or just congratulate them on their contribution to the team. As they continue to play, win and lose, they will learn the concept of competition along with the thrill of a win and the agony of defeat.

Is that the problem? Are we afraid to let our children face the agony of defeat? Is the better option to teach our kids that there are no losers, only winners?

I believe this does more harm than good. By not teaching them to accept loss and defeat we don’t have the opportunity to teach them how to handle the loss effectively.

If we are all winners, why bother? Why bother to practice, why bother to work hard, why bother to try our best if either way we win. If children are going to play competitive sports, in a competitive league, why not teach them the essential skill that competition teaches us? Winning and losing are more than just bragging rights, they are skills. A person can learn to win, and can learn from losing. There is nothing wrong with a child facing defeat.

Outside the field there will be many wins and losses, many of which will be directly caused by our efforts. Why shield a child from something they will face repeatedly, at every age instead of teaching how to face it?